I live three doors down from my boyfriend – separate houses is the key to our 30-year relationship

SUE Ablett, 72, a retired charity director, lives three doors down from her partner John, 83, a retired dyehouse manager, in Leicester.

Here she reveals how living separately from her partner is the key to her successful relationship.

Ian Tustin, The Vale Magazine

Sue Ablett, 72, a retired charity director, lives three doors down from her partner[/caption]

The drinks were in full flow at the housewarming party I was hosting to celebrate moving into my new home.

But while the neighbours were all very welcoming, there were also a few raised eyebrows, because I wasn’t exactly a stranger to the street. 

My partner John, who I’d been with for seven years at that point, had lived on the same road for 10 years, but rather than making what many would see as the natural progression and moving in with him, I’d chosen to buy a separate place three doors down instead. 

Although John and I are still firmly committed, we’ve remained in separate houses for our entire 30-plus-year relationship.

I know it’s unusual, but if we’d moved in together, I’m not sure we’d have lasted. While we have a lot in common, we’re also like chalk and cheese and need our own space.

For example, while John is very neat, I’m very untidy, and we’d both get irritated if we were under the same roof full-time. 

We met in 1990 when we were part of a birdwatching class – we had many shared interests, and got on well.

John was recently divorced with two teenage daughters, while I had been divorced for more than a decade, child-free and fiercely independent.

Neither of us was interested in getting married again, but our relationship developed. 

John lived alone in the bungalow he’d bought after selling his marital home, and I had my own flat a few miles away.

We did once have a fleeting conversation about buying a bigger place together, but John suffers from a heart condition and moving would have proved too stressful.

After some quite hard times financially in my earlier days, having a house of my own felt important to me, so we dropped the co-habiting idea and happily moved forward.

Then, in 1999, I noticed a bungalow for sale a few doors away from John’s.

It felt ideal to be closer, while neither of us were losing our independence. I put an offer in and bought it, selling my flat in the process.

Since moving in, it’s worked out perfectly and I can’t imagine living any other way.

We walk our dog together each morning and have our meals at John’s, as he does all the cooking, while I do our gardening and DIY.

I stay over at his place when I want to – I’ve recently been staying full-time while I get some flood damage at home fixed.

My late mum, Eileen, found our arrangement a little confusing at first, but John’s lovely daughters have never batted an eyelid.

We both also love to travel and take holidays together. We’ve been to Antarctica, the Arctic and South America.

We’re very much a couple in every other way, but I’ve always got my bolt hole to escape to. It would drive John mad if I was around all the time.

He’s very relaxed and happy to sit and read all day, whereas I’m always on the go.

I run a literary festival, go for lunches with friends, lead a couch to 5k programme and organise litter-picking sessions in the community.

I also give regular travel talks via Zoom to Rest Less, an online community for the over-50s, so I have a lot going on – and it wears John out!

Being the chef, John does the food shop and I chip in each month. In fact, I don’t have any food in my house at all, apart from dog biscuits.

But that’s as close as we’ve come to sharing finances – neither of us has any idea how much money the other has.

Although the neighbours didn’t quite know what to make of it at that housewarming party years ago, they now find the constant coming and going quite amusing. 

I’ve got friends who are envious of our arrangement, wishing they could do the same, while others don’t get it and question why we don’t want to live together.

John and I are very content, and although we’re not into big, gushy, romantic gestures, friends say it’s clear that we adore each other.

If people can afford it, I’d recommend this arrangement to anyone! It works for us and I feel incredibly lucky to have the best of both worlds.

•  For more information, visit Restless.co.uk.