I can’t stop sleeping with my girlfriend’s brother – I’m torn in two

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM a woman who has always dated other women, but now I am having an affair – with my girlfriend’s  brother.

I’m 26, my girlfriend is 27 and we have been together for five years. 

My affair with her brother, who is 29, started a year ago after he moved to our city for a new job and we invited him to stay with us until he found somewhere else to live. 

I’d only met him a handful of times before but we’d always got along really well. I hadn’t even thought about the possibility of being attracted to him. 

Throughout my entire life, I had considered myself a lesbian.

But as my girlfriend works long hours, we started to spend a lot of time together and I found myself really enjoying his company.

We enjoyed the same sci-fi films and listened to similar bands.

Everything changed one night when we had a few drinks while my girlfriend was at work. I don’t know what came over me but, after a lot of flirting, we shared a kiss. 

It took me by complete surprise, but I couldn’t resist him and we ended up having mind-blowing sex. 

I should have told him that it had been a mistake, but I found myself secretly entranced by him.

After that, we found ourselves sneaking around together and having sex, as often as once a day. 

Now, a year later, he has moved out but I still see him regularly and I’m riddled with guilt.

I know it’s not fair on my girlfriend but I can’t bear the thought of losing either of them.

I feel so confused.

DEIDRE SAYS: If you love your girlfriend, this needs to stop now. 

Learning she’s been betrayed by both her brother and girlfriend would be soul-destroying for her.

Remember why you fell in love with her. Is it worth throwing it all away? 

Whether you decide to stay with her or break up, you need to concentrate on your relationship with her without any distractions from her brother.

So cut contact with him until you have clarity on your next steps. 

My support pack, Torn Between Two People, will help you.

If you’re questioning your identity and sexual orientation, it would be good for you to talk to someone who will understand. Contact switchboard.lgbt (0300 330 0630).