Menopausal wife has changed and is accusing me of cheating – I no longer recognise her

DEAR DEIDRE: THE sweet and loving woman I married has completely gone, and instead I’ve been left with an angry, suspicious person I can’t get through to.

I am 57 and my wife is 51. I started to see a huge change when she became menopausal.

She would have terrible panic attacks, and night terrors when she would wake up sweating and feeling very frightened.

Sometimes she was so scared in her dreams she would claw at her arms, leaving them bloody and raw.

Around the same time she became paranoid, thinking the worst of every situation – she was convinced I had fallen out of love with her and was having an affair.

I did my best to reassure her I wasn’t straying, and some days she believed me.

But then she’d fall back on her suspicions and withdraw from me again.

I encouraged her to go to a counsellor, but she refused point- blank to do so.

I tried to get her to go to the doctor’s to see if they could help with hormone replacement therapy.

But she refused, saying that the extra hormones would only make things worse.

We have one son, aged 13, who was born through IVF and she did react badly to the treatment.

Then, two weeks ago, I came back from work and discovered she had moved out of the family home with our son and is now renting a flat on the other side of town.

She would only talk to me once, and said she’d left because of my cheating.

She simply refuses to accept that I haven’t had an affair. I feel desperate.

DEIDRE SAYS: This is a very distressing situation for you and it’s clear your wife is really struggling with her mental health.

If she won’t go to her GP, perhaps you can visit the doctor yourself to make them aware and ask for help.

I would also recommend con-tacting Rethink Mental Illness at rethink.org (0808 801 0525), who offer support for any mental illness.

Try to maintain regular contact with your son and do contact the NSPCC if you have any concerns at all about his welfare.

They will help you work out what is best for your whole family.

Understandably your mental health is suffering too.

So please make sure you are getting support from friends and family and also visit your doctor for your own wellbeing.