I thought my stepdad was the kind father I’d never had – years later his sick diary exposed his sinister secret
WHEN Carlos Mendez came into her life, 12-year-old Filipa Cruz thought she finally had someone she could call ‘Dad’.
Having lost her biological dad when she was a baby, she hoped her mum’s new husband was the nurturing, reliable father figure she’d always craved.
But within weeks everything changed when sick Mendez, 58, began a twisted campaign of abuse against her.
The beast regularly attacked Filipa, now 31, while her mum was in the next room, and at times the teenager felt like his “second wife”.
It went on for years until Filipa, from the West Midlands, turned 16 and moved into a foster home.
It took a decade before she found the courage to come forward and speak out about the sick attacks she had endured.
Mendez was finally brought to justice when police officers discovered his twisted diary entries, detailing the abuse against her – and at times comparing her to her mother.
Now Filipa, a mum-of-three who works in the care sector, has bravely waived her anonymity in a bid to encourage other victims of abuse to speak out.
She says: “Carlos robbed me of my innocence and took advantage of me at my most vulnerable.
“Now I don’t allow him to have control over me. I concentrate on my family and I’m trying to move forward with my life.”
‘Confused and alone’
In 2002, from the age of 12, Filipa lived with her mum and Mendez, a warehouse worker.
Filipa explains: “When I was born my biological dad died. Growing up, I had a very rough childhood.
“I’d never had a male figure in my life, so Carlos seemed to be the perfect stepdad at first.
“He constantly wrapped his arms around me on the sofa and said he’d always be there for me.”
But one day, while Filipa’s mum was asleep, Mendez called his stepdaughter into the living room.
I didn’t understand what was happening. Afterwards he told me not to tell Mum and that it was our secret
Filipa Cruz
She recalls: “He asked me for a cuddle, but suddenly he touched me inappropriately.
“I didn’t understand what was happening. Afterwards he told me not to tell Mum and that it was our secret.
“A few nights later I drifted off to sleep in front of the TV. When I woke up, there were naked people having sex on the screen.
“Carlos was next to me, watching. He saw I was awake and began to assault me again.
“Months later he raped me and I lost my virginity.
“I felt confused and alone. I wondered whether that was what dads did.”
‘Disgusted’
Over the next few years Mendez pounced on Filipa every chance he got.
The abuse happened in her bed, the car, even her parents’ bed.
Meanwhile he played the role of a doting stepdad, regularly giving Filipa pocket money and dropping her off at school.
Mendez also bought her lingerie and forced her to hide it in the back of her cupboard.
Filipa says: “I always heard Mum and Carlos arguing through the wall. Then Carlos would climb into bed with me hours later.
I felt confused and alone. I wondered whether that was what dads did
Filipa Cruz
“As I grew older I realised he used me whenever Mum rejected him. I began to feel like his second wife. My life was hell.”
In 2006, when Filipa was 16, she moved into a foster home after opening up to a teacher about her home life.
Filipa says: “Carlos still showed up outside and gave me porn DVDs to take inside.
“I still thought it was normal. I was also desperate for a parental figure in my life.
“One night he forced me to take a photo of my breasts and I wanted to refuse. But he had this power over me.”
‘Something switched’
Soon after Filipa fell in love, and after moving to different foster homes she eventually moved in with her partner.
Mendez, who by that point was no longer with her mum, visited the couple a few times a week.
Filipa says: “I’d pushed the abuse to the back of my head. I hadn’t even told my partner because I wanted to just move on.
“It wasn’t until I was 19, when we had our little girl, that something in me switched.
As I grew older I realised he used me whenever Mum rejected him. I began to feel like his second wife. My life was hell
Filipa Cruz
“I watched Carlos around my newborn daughter and I felt disgusted. I didn’t want him near her.
“I blocked him on everything and cut him out of my life.
“It was a huge relief.”
During the next few years Filipa and her partner went on to have another two children.
‘Twisted diary’
In 2017, aged 27, Filipa finally plucked up the courage to report her stepdad to the police.
Filipa says: “As the abuse happened 10 years before I was really worried there would be no evidence.
“But after they raided Carlos’ home they found a diary on his computer. He’d typed up diary entries describing all the times he’d abused me.
“It had my full name and date of birth. He compared me to my mother and how I was ‘better’.
“They also found the photo he forced me to send him. Although it made me feel sick, I was also relieved.”
The twisted diary was the evidence needed to get Mendez sent down, and he was charged with years of abuse against Filipa.
In July 2018, Carlos Mendez, of Claremont Court, pleaded guilty to one count of indecent assault on a girl under 14, one count of gross indecency with a girl under 16, and two counts of sexual intercourse with a girl under 13.
He also admitted to one count of attempted buggery, two counts of rape of a girl under 13, three counts of engaging in sexual activity with a girl between 13-15 and one count of making indecent photographs of a child at Warwick Crown Court.
He was sentenced to 16-and-a-half years.
Filipa says: “I didn’t cry, or cheer. Like always, I just felt numb. But I was relieved he was going to prison.
“For years he made me question whether it was my fault. No sentence could ever make up for that.
“Now every day, I continue to be in survival mode. I’m happily married with three beautiful kids.
“I know many abuse victims out there aren’t as lucky as me to be mentally stable. My heart truly goes out to them.”
How you can get help
Women's Aid has this advice for victims and their families:
- Always keep your phone nearby.
- Get in touch with charities for help, including the Women’s Aid live chat helpline and services such as SupportLine.
- If you are in danger, call 999.
- Familiarise yourself with the Silent Solution, reporting abuse without speaking down the phone, instead dialing “55”.
- Always keep some money on you, including change for a pay phone or bus fare.
- If you suspect your partner is about to attack you, try to go to a lower-risk area of the house – for example, where there is a way out and access to a telephone.
- Avoid the kitchen and garage, where there are likely to be knives or other weapons. Avoid rooms where you might become trapped, such as the bathroom, or where you might be shut into a cupboard or other small space.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, SupportLine is open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 6pm to 8pm on 01708 765200. The charity’s email support service is open weekdays and weekends during the crisis – messageinfo@supportline.org.uk.
Women’s Aid provides a live chat service – available weekdays from 8am-6pm and weekends 10am-6pm.
You can also call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.