Girlfriend says she doesn’t have sex drive but I know she pleasures herself
DEAR DEIDRE: I USED to have great sex with my girlfriend but these days she’d rather pleasure herself when she thinks I’m asleep.
She’s 51 and I’m a man of 58. We’ve been together for 20 years.
She experienced early menopause symptoms, which have been going on for the past two years.
She says her sex drive is really low and has been for a long time.
She would sometimes have sex with me but she’d just lie there.
It was soul-destroying.
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I’ve told her I want to be in a sexual relationship with her and she says it was all down to the menopause and she doesn’t have the urges like she used to.
If that’s the case, how come she still wants to pleasure herself?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: The menopause can lower sex drive but it could be that intercourse alone didn’t do it for her and she doesn’t want to make you feel inadequate.
Pleasuring herself is easy as she knows what sort of touch and pressure to use.
She clearly does still have a sex drive, even if she’s only using masturbation to help her sleep.
Most women find sex alone doesn’t bring them to orgasm but stimulation of other erogenous zones will.
Tell her you’re aware of her routine and you’d like her to show you how to make her feel good.
My support packs Helping Your Partner To Orgasm and Sex And The Mature Woman explain more.