I’m a nurse – my 10 hacks to get your kids to sleep and why phrase all parents use is a big no-no
AS any parent knows, getting kids into bed at night – and making sure they stay there – can be a struggle.
And with lighter evenings and brighter mornings at this time of year, it can be an even bigger battle.
Nearly 50 per cent of couples say their child’s bedtime causes rows between them, according to a poll by Aldi’s baby and toddler brand Mamia.
And 47 per cent say sleep deprivation has taken its toll on their relationship.
One in four parents say feeling exhausted affects their working day, with 31 per cent blaming tiredness when they turn up late.
Paediatric nurse and parenting and sleep specialist Hannah Love says: “During 25 years of working with families, I’ve seen first-hand the toll it can take when a child isn’t sleeping.
“Many parents accept it as normal, but there are things you can do to help your child sleep and get your life back on track.”
Here Hannah — who runs Sleepwellwithhannah.com — looks at common bedtime issues and gives her tips on how to get your little one sleeping like a dream . . .
MY CHILD WON’T SLEEP BY THEMSELVES
CHILDREN like familiarity and if they have always had a parent cuddling them, holding their hand or reading them a bedtime story as they fall asleep, then that is what they will want.
It’s possible to teach a child of any age — whether they are seven days old or ten years — to sleep independently.
And you can do this in a kind and gentle way without leaving them to cry.
Take small steps so the child can gradually adjust. So if you’ve been feeding your child to sleep, try cuddling them.
Or if you’ve been cuddling them, try sitting next to them. Gradually sit further away from the bed until you are outside the room.
Families I work with typically see their baby or young child sleeping in their own cot or bed within three weeks, but they can need support for the first six weeks.
THEY HAVE BAD DREAMS
IF you hear your child shouting out or crying in their sleep, go in and gently reassure them.
The biggest mistake most parents make is the “try everything” approach — giving them a cuddle and offering a drink, snack or a night feed. They might even take them downstairs and switch on the TV.
Instead, streamline your approach. Choose one thing you know will be calming. Perhaps offer a cuddle, play soft music or white noise, then sit with the child until they calm down.
Taking them into your bed to soothe them is a personal choice. Some parents are happy to bedshare but if you want to avoid this then go back to your usual bedtime routine to get them back to sleep.
If a baby or toddler isn’t awake when they have a nightmare this is called a night terror. This happens in a different stage of sleep and the toddler or child isn’t aware of the terror. Their eyes will typically be closed and they will not remember the incident when you wake them.
Then go back to your usual bedtime routine of getting them to sleep.
UP AT CRACK OF DAWN
AROUND 99 per cent of the time a child wakes before they should is because they are going to bed too early.
Sleeping from 7pm to 7am is completely unrealistic for most children if they still have daytime naps.
Most children aged between one and three years typically need 12 hours sleep in 24 hours. If they have a two-hour nap and go to bed at 7pm, they will probably wake around 5am.
If they wake early and are still sleepy, they may need more sleep.
Regular sleep routines are important and that includes encouraging a child to settle by themselves. Otherwise, they will wake up out of their sleep cycle very easily and struggle to drift back off.
Illness, teething and pain may also cause early wake-ups, but this will pass.
The best tip to help babies back to sleep is to use whatever they are relying on to go to sleep at bedtime.
SCARED OF THE DARK
A FEAR of the dark is very common, especially in toddlers. Parents often shut the door as they don’t want to disturb a child with noise, but toddlers often like the door left open.
Consider investing in a night light or simply keep the door open and leave the landing light on.
Listen to your child — don’t be dismissive. Simply saying ‘there’s nothing there, go back to bed’, may make your child feel as though you don’t understand. Allow your child to talk and listen and they should drift back off quicker and easier.
THEY PREFER YOUR BED TO THEIRS
SOME parents choose to co-sleep and the Lullaby Trust tells you how to do this safely, which includes sleeping on a firm, clear surface free from any duvets and pillows, with babies laid on their backs and never left unattended.
If you don’t want to co-sleep, you have to be consistent with the rules. Some parents don’t mind if a child gets into bed with them at 5am and falls back to sleep but they don’t want it at 2am.
The trouble is a young child can’t tell the time. Bear this in mind when making rules that work for your house, and stick to them.
UP AND DOWN IN NIGHT
IT is normal for children of all ages to wake up during the night.
Waking regulates their oxygen levels and protects against sudden infant death syndrome.
Getting them back to sleep is a battle many parents face and is something to work on.
If they’re struggling to get back to sleep, look at how they doze off at the start of the night and work on that.
If a baby is being rocked, fed or cuddled, that is what they will want every time they wake.
Training a child to fall asleep independently is key so they don’t need you there to be able to drop off again during the night. If a child usually settles themselves but starts waking more than usual, it could be down to teething, illness, pain, reflux or tummy issues.
TEENAGE NIGHT OWLS
CHILDREN aged between 14 and 17 only need 8-10 hours sleep, but it’s important to try to keep a teen’s sleep routine consistent over seven days.
If they are in bed until 11am on weekends after going to sleep at 3am, they won’t sleep well through the week.
Letting your teen lie in on weekends is OK, but only if they’re functioning well with varying bed and wake-up times.
Blue light is one of the biggest sleep inhibitors for teens and it isn’t unusual for them to be on their phones until they go to sleep. Encouraging them to switch off an hour before bed — and keeping their phone outside their room — will mean they get better quality sleep.
Also look at their diet. Drinking a fizzy drink that contains caffeine after 3pm can impact sleep as well as eating sweets and chocolate late in the day.
If your teen is struggling with sleep and is drowsy or irritable during the day, then looking at a more predictable and consistent sleep routine is advisable.
WORRIES KEEP THEM AWAKE
PARENTS are often busy in the evening making tea, tidying up, running baths and getting everything ready for work and school the next day.
It can get to bedtime and the child hasn’t had a chance to talk about things or process their day until that point.
If you have a child that likes to share their worries and thoughts at bedtime and it’s preventing them falling asleep, try to schedule a time for them to do this earlier in the day.
SLEEP STRESS AWAY FROM HOME
SLEEPING away from home can make it hard for some children to drift off.
Try to keep things as familiar as possible when children are sleeping in new environments.
Let them take a sheet or blanket from home, or create a playlist of music you use at home to take with you.
Trying to keep bedtime familiar is really important, so be as consistent as possible.
THEY’RE TOO WIRED TO SLEEP
PARENTS worry far too much about children having a calm wind-down routine before bed.
New research shows that the endorphins released through happy or energetic play before bedtime can actually aid sleep.
Let them burn off that last bit of energy with you and when they’re no longer interested, it’s time for bed.
If you have a toddler who is still bouncing off the walls at 10pm, you need to look at the routine as a whole.
Look at the times they are waking up and whether they are napping too long or too late in the day, and adjust accordingly.
'IF I TRIED TO MOVE, THE TWINS WOULD CRY'
NURSE Katie Hughes, 40, lives in Oswestry, Shrops, with husband Alex, 29, a lorry driver, son Marley, four, and twin girls Daisy and Rosie, two.
The couple turned to a sleep expert for help with their twins. Katie says:
6From the day they were born, both girls were hard to settle. It sounds mad but I’d sleep upright in between them, feeding and comforting them all night.
Then, when they were around nine months old, I hurt my back so I bought a mattress and laid it on the floor of their bedroom.
I’d sleep in the middle with a girl either side of me and feed them constantly. If I tried to move, they’d wake and cry.
When the girls turned one, I went back to work. I was so tired. I’d get home and by 6.30pm I’d be on the mattress with the girls until 6.30am.
I might have got six hours sleep but it was very broken. The tiredness was affecting my relationship as we spent no time together.
I was never able to go out and do anything in the evening.
In May last year we got married. We went on holiday with the kids afterwards and even then, we spent no time together.
That’s when it hit home that we needed help.
I approached child sleep consultant Keri Rock (mysleepinggrace.com) for help.
I bought two travel cots and would sit in between them. I’d breastfeed them as usual, being careful not to let them fall asleep while feeding. I’d lie them in the cot awake and sit next to them.
It was tough at first. Daisy was hysterical. Rosie was happier lying down as long as she knew I was there.
I gradually moved the chair from the middle of the cots to the side, then I turned my back to them.
Keri also helped me adjust their naps and combat overtiredness to stop them waking so early in the morning. In just three weeks, the girls were sleeping better.
It might sound dramatic but the process changed my life. We’re a much happier family now we all get a good night’s 7 sleep.