My girlfriend won’t have sex with me since her brother was sentenced to prison
DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE my girlfriend’s brother was sent to prison, our relationship has fallen apart.
I think she’s cheating on me with his friend, but she denies it.
We’ve been together for six years and before all this happened, we were happy. I’m 38 and she’s 36.
Two years ago, her little brother, 30, who she’s always been very close to, got involved in a drunken brawl over a woman outside a pub.
He landed one punch, which knocked the other guy down.
This guy hit his head on the pavement and never regained consciousness.
My partner’s brother was charged with manslaughter.
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The case took months to come to court and was incredibly stressful for everyone.
He was sentenced to ten years in prison.
It broke my partner, who had supported him throughout. She hasn’t been the same since.
I’ve tried to be there for her, but she’s shut me out. Instead, she’s been chatting to her brother’s friend, who was there the night of the incident.
They’ve grown very close. She says they’re just friends, but I’m finding it hard to believe her.
She no longer wants sex or gives me affection, and she would rather message him than spend time with me.
I feel she doesn’t love me any more. I miss her and want things to go back to the way they were.
I’ve offered to visit her brother in prison with her, but she doesn’t want me to come.
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I’m starting to think our relationship is broken forever.
DEIDRE SAYS: The court case and her brother’s sentence have clearly had a huge impact on your partner.
It must have been very stressful and, sadly, it’s also put a lot of pressure on your relationship.
She’s probably grown close to her brother’s friend because he is a link to her brother.
Accusing her of cheating will only push her further away.
If you want to repair your relationship, keep on showing her that you love her and are there for her.
Give her time to heal from the trauma of what’s happened. She may not realise it, or even consciously want it right now, but she needs stability and love.
Talking to someone sympathetic outside the situation might really help.
You can contact Relate (relate.org.uk) for relationship counselling – both on your own and, later, with her if she’ll agree to it.
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