Early retirement has ruined my marriage – I’m stuck with a grumpy old man
DEAR DEIDRE: EARLY retirement has ruined my marriage, and now I can’t bear to be around my husband.
I’ve realised he’s boring and miserable, and I no longer find him attractive. I can’t see a future with him.
We’ve been married for 25 years. I’m 55 and he’s 58. We have one daughter, 22, who has left home.
As I ran a highly successful business, I decided to sell up and take early retirement a year ago.
At the same time, he was offered voluntary redundancy from his job, with a great package.
I expected life to be wonderful, without the stresses and daily commitments of work.
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I thought we’d have leisurely lunches together, go out for day trips and travel widely.
Instead, I’ve found myself stuck with a grumpy old man who can’t even be bothered to shave.
He poo-poos all my ideas, is too miserly to spend money and prefers to potter around in his shed all day.
We have nothing to say to each other, no longer have sex and argue when we are in the same room.
DEIDRE SAYS: Retirement is a huge adjustment for many couples and can expose any cracks in a relationship.
Sometimes, busy people grow apart without realising it.
It sounds like this may have happened to you.
The fact you’re asking for help suggests you do want to repair your marriage, if at all possible.
Talk to your husband and be honest. Tell him you want to work on your relationship.
My support pack, Relationship MOT should help.
You could both also think about couples counselling. Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org).
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