I thought my marriage was perfect until I checked my credit card bill…
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER 30 years together, I have discovered my husband has been having sex with prostitutes – and I’ve got his credit card bill to prove it.
I thought our marriage was perfect but now I feel heartbroken and disgusted.
He says he still loves me, but I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.
I’m 55, he is 56 and we have three grown-up children — two boys and a girl.
We are financially comfortable, have a good social life, regular holidays and — until I became menopausal a few years ago — what I thought was a fulfilling sex life.
Yet it seems it wasn’t enough for him.
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Rather than tell me he was unhappy, he turned to online sex sites.
Looking at images progressed to chatting online, then to sneaking out to meet hookers for sex.
I only found out because I accidentally opened his credit card statement, thinking that it was mine.
It showed subscriptions to porn and escort sites, plus evidence he had been booking hotel rooms at times I thought he was at work.
I was so distraught I became hysterical. He immediately admitted it all, saying he’d been a fool and begging for my forgiveness.
What he has done is so humiliating and sleazy. The women he has been with are younger than our children.
I’d be less hurt if he’d had a normal affair.
I love him but I don’t know if I can forgive him Is it possible for us to get past this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: He has, as he says, been a fool.
Instead of opening up about his feelings, he sought comfort in sex with other women.
Perhaps he thought it was “just sex”, so not as bad as an affair. But your reaction has shown him he was deluded.
He may not have had an emotional attachment to these women, but it hurts just as much.
Yes, he has betrayed you, but it sounds like he genuinely wants to put things right. And you love him too, or you would have walked away.
You can get past this, but it won’t be easy.
You’ll need total, painful honesty and it will take time to rebuild trust.
Talking to a counsellor together – someone impartial, outside the situation – would really help.
Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975) for couples counselling.
My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It? may help.
It would be wise for you both to have STI checks.