Even though they split up years ago, I’m convinced my wife still loves her ex

DEAR DEIDRE: THEY may have split up years ago, but I think my wife is still in love with her ex, who is the father of her child.

I’m 42 and she’s 38. Her ex is 40, and they were together for 10 years. 
They have a little girl who is eight.

She says they split up because they wanted different things. They have always had a friendly relationship for their daughter’s sake.

But recently, their friendship seems to be getting  more intense and intimate.

They now message each other every day, and sometimes talk late at night.

On the face of it, all this chat seems to be  about their daughter, but I think  it’s more than that. I hear her laughing a lot.

I feel shut out and jealous. She isn’t giving me half as much attention as she is giving him.

As far as I know, they only see each other when he picks up or drops off their daughter. But now I worry when she goes out.

I know this isn’t cheating, but it feels like it. He is currently single, which makes me more suspicious.

I’m tempted to take him to one side and tell him he needs to respect our relationship, but I don’t want to cause friction.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your jealousy is understandable. They share history and a child, and she’s giving him the time and attention she should be giving to your relationship. 

The fact your wife is being so open about this suggests nothing untoward is going on – consciously at least. 

Although you feel you want to have it out with your wife’s ex, she’s the one you need to talk to.

Tell her how you feel and ask her to reassure you.

Perhaps you can also ask if she could spend less time talking to him, and more with you.

My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, may help you to chat to her, without making her defensive.  You can also read Dealing With Jealousy.