My chilling texts reveal sly tricks abusers use to control their victims – my ex beat me black & blue but I felt trapped
BEATEN black and blue, Chelsey Harrison knew she had to break free from her evil partner’s web of violence.
But each time she tried, his manipulative mind games and love-bombing texts drew her back in.
During their 10-month relationship, Chelsey, 29, from Pontefract, west Yorkshire, was kicked, bitten and strangled near to the point of losing consciousness by thug Ben McMichael.
After she found the courage to report his abuse in September 2021, the 26-year-old pleaded guilty to assault occasioning actual bodily harm and coercive and controlling behaviour and was sentenced to three years in prison.
Now, Chelsey is bravely speaking out to encourage other victims of domestic violence to seek help – and revealing the coercive messages he used to lure her back.
Chelsey, a care assistant says: “Ben was a bully who tormented me for nearly a year.
“Whenever I tried to leave him, he’d manipulate me into staying, by love-bombing me and promising to change. But he never did.
“Thankfully now that he is in jail, I can finally breathe. I want other survivors to know that there is life after abuse.”
Cruel names
Chelsey had known McMichael for years through mutual friends, but it wasn’t until November 2020 that they started dating.
By February 2021, the pair were living together, but within weeks, McMichael’s behaviour had completely changed.
Chelsey explains: “It started with him calling me names like ‘fat slag’ and ‘slut’.
“I always just put him down to being in a bad mood.”
But then McMichael became violent. One day, in March that year, she was in the bathroom with the door locked when he suddenly forced it open.
Chelsey says: “He repeatedly punched me in the face. When I started crying, he laughed at me.
“Then he strangled me and I felt myself drifting in and out of consciousness.
“Afterwards, he apologised and told me it would never happen again.”
Chelsey believed McMichael and forgave him. But his abuse only continued.
The following month, she went on a dog walk with her friend.
When she returned home, McMichael was furious that dinner wasn’t ready on time.
Chelsey explains: “He threw the TV remote at me. I told him I couldn’t put up with him anymore.
“Then he pinned me down to the floor, before punching me in the head, kicking my back and strangling me.
“He ordered me to stay with him, so out of fear, I told him I loved him and that I would never leave him.”
Cycle of abuse
Deep down, Chelsey wanted to leave, but she felt trapped.
Meanwhile, McMichael’s abuse escalated. He beat Chelsey black and blue and bit her all over her body.
She would stay home as much as she could to hide her bruises from friends and family. And whenever someone questioned them, Chelsey would lie that she’d been clumsy.
She says: “There were so many occasions where, after beatings, I’d text Ben to tell him I was leaving him.
“But he would always manipulate me into staying. Saying things like, ‘I love you so much, I hate what I do to you,’ and ‘just let me prove I’m not violent.’
“He had such a strong hold on me. And the worst part was, he knew exactly how abusive he was being. I was terrified of him.”
In June, the pair were in the car going to the pub to celebrate his son’s birthday, when McMichael spilt his drink down himself.
But he blamed Chelsey and started hitting her in the face.
Chelsey explains: “When we arrived at the pub, he refused to let me go in because my face was red and swollen.
“Instead, he locked me in the car so I couldn’t get out and watched me for hours from the window of the restaurant whilst he ate dinner with his son.”
Then, in August, McMichael came home angry after crashing his car and beat Chelsey up whilst she was getting ready for work.
How you can get help
Women's Aid has this advice for victims and their families:
- Always keep your phone nearby.
- Get in touch with charities for help, including the Women’s Aid live chat helpline and services such as SupportLine.
- If you are in danger, call 999.
- Familiarise yourself with the Silent Solution, reporting abuse without speaking down the phone, instead dialing “55”.
- Always keep some money on you, including change for a pay phone or bus fare.
- If you suspect your partner is about to attack you, try to go to a lower-risk area of the house – for example, where there is a way out and access to a telephone.
- Avoid the kitchen and garage, where there are likely to be knives or other weapons. Avoid rooms where you might become trapped, such as the bathroom, or where you might be shut into a cupboard or other small space.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, SupportLine is open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 6pm to 8pm on 01708 765200. The charity’s email support service is open weekdays and weekends during the crisis – messageinfo@supportline.org.uk.
Women’s Aid provides a live chat service – available weekdays from 8am-6pm and weekends 10am-6pm.
You can also call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
Due to the bruises he’d inflicted upon her, McMichael forced her to call in sick.
She says: “Whilst he was at work, I texted him to say I was leaving him.
“I couldn’t face another beating. He came straight home and was so angry.
“I walked into the garden to try and get away from him, but he followed me and kicked me in the face.
“Then, he picked up his son’s trike and repeatedly smashed it against by back, before whacking a lighter over my head.”
Chelsey’s head poured with blood and she was convinced she had concussion.
But McMichael wouldn’t let her go to hospital. Instead, he manipulated her into forgiving him.
Scared for her life
Over the coming weeks, Chelsey was scared for her life. So, she plucked up the courage to tell a colleague at work about his abuse.
She explains: “That day, I reported Ben to the police and got a non-molestation order.
“While he was at work, I went home to collect my belongings.
“I messaged him all day, pretending everything was fine.”
Contact the Samaritans
If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, contact The Samaritans on 116 123.
They are available for free at anytime.
Or email https://www.samaritans.org/
Chelsey moved in with her grandparents. Days later, McMichael was arrested, but he maintained his innocence until the first day of trial.
In September 2022, he pleaded guilty to assault occasioning actual bodily harm and coercive and controlling behaviour.
He was handed a three-year prison sentence and a 10-year restraining order at Sheffield Crown Court.
Chelsey says: “I was so relieved to have got justice. I’d been off work for months trying to get myself better.
“Now he is in jail, I no longer have to look over my shoulder. People need to know who Ben really is and steer clear.”