I struggle to keep it up if we switch positions and now my girlfriend says I’m too vanilla

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend says I’m too vanilla in the bedroom.

But the truth is I struggle to maintain an erection if we switch positions.

I am 45 and my girlfriend is 41.

I knew she had a high sex drive when I met her and I used to be able to keep up with her. But lately I find myself turning her down.

I made a big career move a year ago when I decided to become a teacher.

I’m still adapting to the role and the hours. I’ve found it pretty challenging at times.

The last few times we had sex I struggled to maintain an erection. It’s odd because I’m still very attracted to her, but each time we change positions I go limp.

I still get an erection when I wake up in the morning.

Despite my attempts to reassure her, my girlfriend thinks she’s doing something wrong.

Now she’s upped her game, trying all sorts of outlandish things to grab my attention.

I managed to keep an erection some weeks ago, but it only works if I stay in a missionary position.

Since then my girlfriend has made fun of me, saying I’m “soooo vanilla”. Now I feel I can’t resort to that any more.

I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m too embarrassed to talk to her about it.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your erection problems have coincided with your new demanding role. Stress or anxiety can cause erectile dysfunction.

Most likely, you have started to worry about your performance, which in turn affects your erection.

You are not alone and most men experience performance anxiety at some stage of their life.

You don’t need to feel embarrassed and by talking to your girlfriend you will hopefully feel reassured. Do let her know that her jokes aren’t helping you and ask for her support.

Ask her to agree to take a break from sex for a couple of weeks, then your erections should return naturally.

If this doesn’t work, I’m sending you my support pack Erection Problems which has plenty more suggestions.

You are getting morning arousal which suggests the cause is psychological. But if this continues then do see your doctor.