Son won’t talk to me as I keep bailing out his bipolar drug-addict sister

DEAR DEIDRE: MY son thinks that I am a pushover and now won’t speak to me because I keep bailing out my drug-addict daughter.

I’m their 65-year-old dad. He is 40 and his sister is 29.

She has mental health issues and I feel bad I didn’t do more to get her help when she was younger.

My daughter was recently diagnosed as bipolar but I worry it was too late and contributed to her using Class A drugs to self medicate.

When she got hooked two years ago, I blamed myself.

She’s always getting herself into trouble and the latest request was for £500 to pay off a drug dealer she’d got herself into debt with.

I asked my son for advice and he said that if I paid the money, he would never speak to me again because he thinks she’s taking advantage of me.

He doesn’t realise she can’t help it. It’s a sickness.

How could I stand back and do nothing when this person was potentially dangerous?

So, I went behind his back and paid her debt off before things got out of hand.

But I made my daughter promise that if I did this then she would have to enrol in a recovery plan to overcome her addiction.

She was very grateful and agreed. But two weeks have passed and she hasn’t kept her end of the deal.

To make matters worse, she told her brother about our agreement and now he won’t return my calls.

We had a trip to Brussels booked but it looks like I will be taking that alone.

I feel like such a failure as a father. How can I turn this around?

DEIDRE SAYS: Do not be so hard on yourself.

It is not fair for your son to give you this silent treatment after proposing impossible ultimatums.

Find a moment to confront him and to reconnect.

He is protective of you, just as you are of your daughter, so there’s lots of common ground to rebuild that relationship.

My support pack Standing Up For Yourself can help reaffirm some healthy boundaries with both your son and your daughter.

It is difficult to know how to help someone you love who has a drug addiction.

Adfam (adfam.org.uk, 07442 137421), will be able to provide support for all of you.