I know my family are trying to help since my marriage ended – but they’re only annoying me
DEAR DEIDRE: I KNOW my family has been trying to help me since my marriage ended but all they do is annoy me.
They bombard me with messages all day every day, even when I am at work, telling me what I should or shouldn’t do.
They won’t let me get my head straight.
I’m 45 and my wife’s 43. We were married for 18 years and have two girls aged 15 and 13.
I started drinking far too much after my mum died. My wife put up with it for years, but has now ended the marriage and I’ve moved out.
At first my wife said, she needed a break.
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She said it would be a chance for me to sort myself out and wake up to the damage that I was causing – but now she’s told me our marriage is over for good.
I know it is my fault, but I really want her back.
I am getting help for my drinking, but I would become angry if I couldn’t speak to my daughters, mainly because I was detoxing.
I have no idea what to do. I sometimes think it is best if I just leave her alone and hope she can find it in her heart to give me one more chance. I miss my wife and my girls so much.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your family wants the best for you, but it’s perfectly acceptable to establish physical and emotional boundaries with them.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help with this.
It’s a positive step that you’re seeking help for your drinking.
Your wife will see that you are trying and may soften her stance, so it’s worth asking her to try to work through your differences one more time.
Suggest to her that you could both try talking to a relationship counsellor and get in touch with tavistockrelationships.org.