Boyfriend is always caring for his sick mum and hardly ever sees me

DEAR DEIDRE: I HARDLY ever see my boyfriend in person these days.

He’s so busy looking after his mum that there’s no time for me.

I’m 26 and my boyfriend’s 29. We’ve been together for just over a year.

His mum was diagnosed with cancer and is having treatment.

Of course I understood that he wanted to support her but this has gone on for six months now.

I can’t help but feel he’s starting to use it as an excuse when he simply can’t be bothered to drive the 40 minutes to mine.

He says as the eldest child, he feels responsible for taking his mum to all her hospital appointments and helping her with the chores at home.

He has a sister, but she lives abroad.

We already barely see one another as it is and there’s still a long road ahead with his mum.

It’s caused us to argue. Our sex life isn’t great as he can’t switch off from everything going on.

He’s scared because of his mum and what might happen to us.

I want to make it work, but he’s letting everything else get in the way of our relationship.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your boyfriend sounds caring and dedicated.

Looking after someone undergoing cancer treatment can be a full-time job and demanding work.

Assure him that even though he has a strong sense of duty, he deserves a break.

All three of you will benefit if he can get proper rest.

Could his sister visit to help, or can you suggest they look at regular respite care?

My support pack Help For Carers will help you and explain more.

If you still feel he is resistant to spending time with you, you need to have THAT conversation and ask how he feels about your relationship.

You need to know where you stand.

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